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33 of the Funniest Resume Mistakes in 2013

Typos and bad jokes found in resumes are not as rare as you might think. With a resume quite possibly being the most important document you’ll ever have to write, how do you miss something like spelling ‘deetail-oriented’ wrong? For many it’s simply a lack of that very thing, attention to detail. For others, the stress and anxiety that comes from looking for a job, or changing careers, proves to be too much for their editing mind. You might be so concerned about getting a job, you overlook common mistakes you would never miss otherwise.

These first 15 mistakes are fairly common, so make sure to compare your resume with these examples and proofread accordingly.

1. “Directed $25 million anal (annual) shipping and receiving operations.”
2. “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting (multi-tasking).”
3. “Dear Sir or Madman (madam),”
4. “I am anxious to use my exiting (editing) skills”
5. “I am a Notary Republic (Public)”
6. “I’m attacking (attaching) my resume for you to review.”
7. “I am experienced in all faucets (facets) of accounting.”
8. “Hope to hear from you, shorty (shortly).”
9. “Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Attention to Detail (twice)”
10. “Speak English and Spinach (Spanish)”
11. “I can type without looking at thekeyboard (the keyboard).”
12. “Instrumental in ruining (running) entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
13. “I attended collage (college) courses.
14. “I am bilingual (tri) in Spanish, French and Italians.”
15. “I am a perfectionist and rarely if if (twice) ever forget details.”

Make sure you’re sitting down and in a place where you’re able to laugh out loud (yes, the acronym LOL has also been known to show up on resumes) when reading the rest of these hilarious resume mistakes. The applicants behind some of these resume errors are obviously trying to be funny; but after CareerBuilder conducted a survey asking hiring managers about their most memorably horrible resumes, the jokes and humor-filled CVs usually made the list.

16. Candidate called himself a genius and invited the hiring manager to interview him at his apartment.
17. Candidate’s resume included phishing as a hobby.
18. Candidate claimed to speak “Antartican” when applying for a job to work in Antarctica.
19. Candidate highlighted the fact that he was “Homecoming Prom Prince” in 1984.
20. Candidate applying for an administrative job listed “gator hunting” as a skill.
21. Candidate’s cover letter mentioned that her family was in the mob.
22. Candidate specified that her resume was set up to be sung to the tune of “The Brady Bunch.”
23. “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”
24. “Hi, I’m ______ and I’m looking for a job,” next to a photo of the candidate reclining in a hammock
25. “I eat computers for lunch.”
26. Candidate’s resume was printed on the back of their current employer’s letterhead.
27. “Previous experience: Self-employed — a fiasco.”
28. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs, please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
29. Some candidates think honesty is key: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”
30. “Objective: I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”
31. “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”
32. The objective on one resume stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position… with a rival firm.
33. A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

You cannot proofread your resume too many times. The very best of us continue to make mindless errors like these every day. If you feel like you’ve read over it 100 times and there’s no possible way anything else can be corrected, think again. Take a break and come back to it later. You will undoubtedly see something else. Send it to as many friends and family as you can. Every eye gravitates toward and catches something different.

Lannette Price

Lannette Price is a senior consultant at Resume.com where she helps users build and edit their resumes online. Lannette enjoys helping job seekers perfect their resumes and find their dream job.

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